She lay sleepless, tossing to-and-fro, repeating over and over . . “How could I have been so selfish! I should have known better.” Pounding her pillow, she wept, “O God forgive me!”
For maybe the hundredth time, she examined her arms, hands, and legs. She rubbed gently across her body feeling for sores. Sometimes she retraced her touch because for a moment . . . she thought she felt something. But again and again, there were no spots, there were no sores, no rough areas. “Thank you God! Thank you! Thank you! Oh God, I am so sorry.” She wailed not caring to keep her voice down. There was no one to hear her.
Miriam’s thoughts went back to that morning when she decided to confront her brother, Moses. Taking Aaron, her older brother, she approached Moses.
“Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married . . . So they said, “Has the LORD indeed spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us also?” And the LORD heard it. . . So the anger of the LORD was aroused against them, and He departed. And when the cloud departed from above the tabernacle, suddenly Miriam became leprous, as white as snow.” Numbers 12: 1, 2, 9,10.
She remembered the look of terror in her brother, Aaron’s eyes. Following his gaze, she looked at her arms. “Oh dear God, leprosy”, Aaron whispered.
“No it’s not so!” She sobbed. Her heart pounded in her ears and cold sweat made her shiver even in the warmth of the morning sun. Why had she uttered those words? She was cursed! If only she could take them back.
She remembered her morning and evening prayers when she cried out to God pleading for Moses’s safety. She had prayed non-stop for 40 years only to be jealous of him now he had returned. The shame seared through her heart leaving her weak and unable to control the moan that escaped her lips. Jealousy of all things, she thought.
“So Moses cried out to the LORD, saying, “Please heal her, O God, I pray!”. . . So Miriam was confined outside the camp for seven days, and the people did not move on till she was brought back.” Numbers 12: 13, 14
It was a long 7 days, and each morning Miriam looked to see if Moses and the children of Israel were still there. The relief she felt each time was intense. At night she watched the glow of God’s presence in the camp and she was assured that He still loved and watched over her. “Oh how gracious is my God.” she murmured. “Thank you Lord that even though my shameful, selfish behavior pains You, still You have not left me behind. Thank you God.”
“At the command of the LORD the children of Israel would journey, and at the command of the LORD they would camp; as long as the cloud stayed above the tabernacle they remained encamped.” Numbers 9: 18.
The same is true for us. Our reckless behaviors and thoughtless choices in life can very often lead to serious consequences— loss of a job, loss of our home, poor health, loss of a friend, loss of family, loss of a good reputation. But even as we reel and our lives tumble out of control, God is constant. He reminds us with each morning that He is there, He has not left and He yearningly awaits our return. Miriam learned that as she eyed the encampment each morning and saw that He was waiting.
“Therefore, laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking, as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious.” 1 Peter 2: 1-3.
We may have chosen to drift away from those things that we know are best for our lives and imperceptibly fallen into habits that distance us from a close relationship with God. We can be assured that our yearning for a better way of life is His presence calling and wooing us. We cannot but be awed by that kind of persistent, consistent, loyalty to us— greater than that of the closest friend or family.
Like Jeremiah, may our hearts yield in response as we experience His constancy and love. Love as amazing as the gentle rising sun that spreads it silvery blue rays across the morning sky, and as invigorating as the crisp, fresh air that enters our waiting lungs. In concert with the waking birds may we proclaim, “Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.” Lamentation 3:22, 23.
Today’s Goal: To throw open our hearts to the call of our Creator and Lord.
A Wilderness Guidebook . . . 